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  Josh shook his head. Apparently, this was how he was going to handle this situation: by being a grouch and pissing her off. Great idea, Josh. Real brilliant.

  The image of Micah’s flaming hair spread out on his pillow left him breathless. Add in the fact that she was wearing his T-shirt and he was positive this had to be the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. He could feel the desire begin to take form deep in his gut as an intense urge pulled him closer. His hand moved on its own accord, desperate to touch the flames. If he touched would he get burned?

  Josh yanked his hand back from her. Of course he would! Last night was proof enough for him. He was definitely playing with fire here.

  He turned to leave, having done was he was supposed to and checked on her, making sure she was still breathing.

  “Josh?”

  Her sleepy voice almost did him in. Standing at the doorway with his back to her, he answered, “Yes?”

  “What time is it?”

  He found himself turning at the question. She rolled over in the bed and pushed her hair out of her face. He glanced at his watch. “A little after two.”

  “Two in the afternoon?” She sat up in the bed, her curls in wild disarray, making her impossibly irresistible. He could not stand to look at her anymore, so he turned back and headed in the direction of the living room.

  “Yup. You slept the day away. You want anything to eat? I just ordered a pizza.”

  “Sounds good.”

  He flipped on the TV, hoping to find something to distract him, but it wasn’t working. Micah helped herself to some water and came to sit next to him on the couch. He was aware of every move she made, every fidget, every sigh.

  She wanted to talk. That much was obvious. But what was he supposed to say? In one stupid moment of weakness, he had brought about a whole new world of awkwardness between them. He’d really screwed this one up. Now he couldn’t look at her without seeing her eyes wide in shock and horror, her lips raw from his kiss. The mere task of sitting within two feet of one another on a couch watching television had adopted all sorts of new complications. Ten years of hard work thrown out the window in an instant.

  He had to figure out some way to control the damage he had done. Ignoring it, as if it hadn’t happened, could only last so long. She would bring it up eventually. He needed to have a plan in place for when she did.

  “So...”

  She let the word stretch out, accentuating the resounding discomfort that sat between them.

  Well, that didn’t last long. Don’t go there, Mike. Don’t go there.

  “That kiss last night...”

  She went there.

  “And I thought I was the one who had too much to drink! Ha! No one was paying any attention to you. I had no clue you got that handsy when you drank.”

  What? He’d only had one drink last night, but he wasn’t about to correct her. It would be so easy to blame it on the alcohol.

  “You do always leave the bar with a girl. Never thought I would be added to that never-ending list of hookups.” She laughed again. There was an unmistakable pit in his stomach brought on by guilt.

  “Obviously, we both had a little too much to drink. Honest mistake.” Stop talking, Mike. The look he sent her said as much.

  “Okay, fine. I’ll drop it. It will be our little secret. Never to be talked about again. No one ever has to know. It will be like it never happened.”

  He narrowed his eyes, but didn’t even have to look at her for her to get the point.

  “Yeah. Sorry.”

  Hopefully that would be the last time it was brought up. They had talked about it, gotten it out in the open. Good enough. Right?

  She kept fidgeting. She tucked her feet under her and turned in his direction. Every inch of him was aware of every minute move she made. At least he should be grateful she had stopped talking.

  “I had the weirdest dream last night...”

  Josh released a deep sigh as he continued to flip through the channels, not really seeing what was flashing before him on the screen. He needed to get her home.

  “Okay, fine. I won’t tell you about it.”

  Now he was making her mad again. He was on a roll.

  “No. Tell me.”

  “I was just trying to start a conversation. You know I can’t handle awkward silences. Are you in a bad mood or something?”

  “No.”

  The silence that stretched between them was uncomfortable, and, well, excruciatingly painful. Minutes later she let out a frustrated sigh.

  “I need a shower. Do you mind?”

  Of course I mind! I don’t need any visuals of you in my shower!

  Too late. The visuals were already there.

  “Go ahead. Towels are in that small closet in the hall.”

  He tried not to map out her movements based on the sounds coming from the bathroom, but no amount of control could stop his mind from picturing the hot water washing over her porcelain skin. The kiss from the night before had set this runaway train in motion. It was impossible to stop it now.

  He shook his head to clear the image, but it was only replaced by another when he heard the water shut off. She had to be drying off at this point. How could he have fallen so far as to be envious of a drop of water or even a towel?

  Stop now! This was dangerous territory. Frustration built at his obvious lack of self-control when it came to his thoughts concerning Micah. It threatened to boil over as she stepped out of the bathroom, a cloud of steam surrounding her.

  She wore nothing but a towel wrapped around her decadent body, tiny droplets of water beaded on her still-damp skin. Half-dressed women had never affected him quite the way Micah did now. The ravenous hunger within him was like nothing he had ever experienced before. The need to kiss and taste the skin where her dripping hair clung to her damp shoulders overwhelmed him.

  “Josh?”

  The sound of his name snapped him back to his senses. He had momentarily been lost in steam and water droplets, staring at her like a starved and thirsty man. He was neither and she needed to go. Far away from him. And now.

  “Seriously? Micah, put some clothes on!” Okay, so maybe that came out a little more forcefully than he had planned. He mentally added jerk to his growing list of attributes: disloyal, guilty, betrayer.

  She stomped back into his bedroom, only to return wearing last night’s clothes. Her wet hair left damp spots on the shoulders of her top.

  “What are you doing?”

  “I’m leaving.”

  “C’mon, Micah. You don’t have to go. Sabina doesn’t get off work until later.” He really did feel bad for snapping at her.

  “I can’t handle being cooped up in this apartment for another second. You’re being all cranky and whatnot. And, well, I don’t have to put up with it.”

  She pulled the wet strands of her hair up and secured it with an elastic, put on her shoes and grabbed her coat. “Call me when your cycle is over and we can be friends again.”

  Without moving from his place on the couch, he watched as her fleeting figure disappeared. And just like always, she left a gaping Micah-shaped hole in her wake.

  * * *

  Micah stormed from the apartment building and out into the bright light of day. Ah, she wished she had her purse! Sunglasses would have been nice. Oh, and money. She was not going anywhere without that. Thank God she still had her phone in her back pocket, otherwise this would be a serious disaster. She called Sabina, not really expecting an answer. She never answered while at a photo shoot.

  “Hello?”

  “Oh, thank God!” Micah breathed a deep sigh of relief. “I can’t handle Josh for another moment. He’s driving me insane. When will you be done with your shoot?”

  “I have a break now. I can
come get you if I hurry. Where are you?”

  “Outside Josh’s building.”

  “Okay. I’ll be there soon.”

  You could not get anywhere soon in Boston, but at least she now had a way home.

  Her eyes scanned the busy street as she pulled her coat up higher on her neck. The chill of October in Boston was seeping in through her jacket. Buildings surrounded her except for one solitary tree forcing its way into a concrete world. Its leaves had started to change, a bright golden-yellow providing a stark contrast amid the dark grays of the city.

  She still couldn’t shake what had just happened between her and Josh. Not that she could figure out any of it. At first she had thought the chemistry that exploded between them was mutual, but after the way he was acting, she knew she had imagined that. How stupid could she be? She was far from the kind of girl he was attracted to. He saw her as a sister, for crying out loud! They were best friends! Crossing over that boundary had been a monumental mistake.

  She had tried to brush it off as a joke, tried to ease the moment and laugh it off. But he was in such a bad mood she’d needed to get out of there quick. She needed to put some space between them in order to salvage their friendship. Hopefully after a day or two the kiss would be long forgotten and their friendship restored.

  After what felt like forever, Sabina’s SUV came into view as she maneuvered her way across lanes to stop outside Josh’s apartment building. Micah quickly jumped into the car so that Sabina wouldn’t be blocking traffic for too long. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t been able to come!”

  “What happened with Josh?”

  “You know...Josh just being Josh.”

  “Say no more. Know exactly what you mean. He can be such a pain in the butt.”

  After Sabina dropped her off at their apartment, Micah changed and climbed into the comfort of her bed. She rolled over onto something and reached under the covers to find the teddy bear Drew had given her.

  In the chaos surrounding the kiss, she had forgotten all about the dream. It had all seemed easier when Drew was still alive. Maybe all these new feelings for Josh were just misdirected emotions and longings. Maybe it was just her heart’s way of searching for Drew and instead finding Josh.

  Why did everything have to be so complicated?

  Happiness had come naturally back then, but it had been a long time since she had felt that way. She wanted it back. Part of her still wanted Drew back. Obviously that was impossible, but last night’s dream had been close.

  She swiped her finger across her phone screen and saw a text message from Josh.

  I’m such a jerk. Sorry <3

  It would be easy to respond, but instead she clicked her phone off.

  Micah was exhausted. These last couple months had taken her on an emotional roller coaster, but none of that had prepared her for the last twenty-four hours.

  She had been depressed and tired of it. She wanted to finally face the past head-on and put it behind her once and for all. But last night’s kiss coupled with the vivid dream that had brought all these memories back to the surface were all too much to handle.

  Drew was an important part of her past. Josh was an important part of her present. Both were intricately woven into the tapestry of her life. But the question that remained was, what about her future?

  FOUR

  She had dreamed of Drew again, but just as he would lean in to kiss her, the dream would suddenly change.

  “Josh.” Even saying his name aloud in the quietness of her room ignited something unfamiliar within her. She had joked about the kiss with him the day before, even going so far to blame it on him. She’d wanted to give the situation some levity, but it was proving to be far more serious than she thought. And Josh was taking up a good portion of her mind.

  The two men had taken over her every waking and sleeping thought. She would wake up, perspiration beading on her brow as she shook the images of last night’s dream from her mind.

  She was holding firm to the notion that they were connected. If she cleansed herself of one problem, the other would fix itself.

  Every year for the last ten years she had allowed herself a short time of grieving. This year was not shaping up to be quite what she had anticipated. This had to stop. She had to get control of this. No more moping. No more sadness. She would rid herself of her past once and for all.

  She got out of bed and opened her closet door. Reaching up, she pulled down a bulky, heavy box. It was a box she rarely opened anymore, but had been in her possession for the last ten years. As she lifted the lid, the smell of old things drifted through the air as easily as the sense of nostalgia enveloped her.

  Memories. Her memories.

  Even as she had every intention of going through the box to put an end to this madness, she found herself desperate to cling to the memories. She had loved him deeply. Something like that could not just be tossed aside.

  As she lifted an old photograph, she held it to her chest, wanting to grasp any part of Drew that she could. She couldn’t throw any of this away. Not yet.

  Time had seemed to wash out the memories, causing them to fade ever so slightly, but opening this box erased all the damage time had done.

  She had forgotten so many things about him. Even the pain of losing him had dimmed. She could no longer remember his voice or the expressions of his face. But her fragmented dreams had brought it all back.

  Lovingly, she lifted out his sweatshirt. The deep red color brought a different kind of sadness. She ran her fingers across the white letters stitched on the front—Harvard.

  He’d had such dreams, such potential. He might not have ever been accepted into Harvard, but she did not doubt that he would have been successful wherever he ended up.

  Putting the sweatshirt aside, she lifted out a stack of photos. Next, she pulled out a stack of letters. Long before text messages and email, handwritten notes and letters had existed, and they were sacred to her. She missed getting them.

  Her eyes scanned each one, taking in the way he drew a heart in one fluid stroke of his pen. She had never seen anyone else do it that way. It made him unique.

  Josh suddenly came to mind.

  Now the man of her past and the man of her present dueled for a place in her heart. But the harsh reality of it was that she would lose this battle no matter what. She would never be able to have either one.

  Micah took her time going through the box, reading each letter, staring at each picture, memorizing every detail. Then she put her favorite picture and her favorite letter aside. Everything else went back in the box and the lid back on top.

  It was time. She had had her cry, and now it was time to move forward.

  She carried the heavy box out to the living room and set it near the door. It was time for it to go. That was the healthy thing to do.

  Sabina entered the apartment with her arms full of groceries and almost tripped over the box. She had obviously gone to the market and purchased a load of fresh fruit and vegetables. What really stuck out to Micah, though, were the flashy sequined top, black leather leggings and stilettos Sabina wore.

  Sabina’s eyes filled with worry as she took in Micah’s tearstained cheeks and puffy red eyes, but thankfully she said nothing. Micah didn’t want to talk about it just yet.

  “You wore that to the market?”

  “I ran out of clean clothes.”

  “You’re kidding me, right?”

  “No. What’s wrong with this?” Sabina looked down at her outfit, trying to figure out what was wrong with it and seemingly forgetting she was still holding several bags of food.

  “Here, let me help.” Micah relieved her of some of the bags. “And let me inform you what is wrong with your outfit. No one wears sequins to the market, m
uch less Marc Jacobs stilettos.”

  “I can. I have always said it is better to be overdressed than underdressed.” Sabina gave Micah’s look a once-over. “Besides, since when did the pajama queen start handing out fashion advice? Have you been sleeping all day again?”

  “This isn’t about me. Don’t try to change the subject. Yes, you do always say that. But if you show up wearing a ball gown next week while trying to buy fresh fish, everyone will make fun of you.”

  “No, they won’t. Everyone will just start wearing gowns the following week. I am a trendsetter.”

  Micah rolled her eyes. A trendsetter, my butt.

  “And Mike, the fact that you knew these were Marc Jacobs did not escape my notice. It warms my heart.”

  Oh, yay! Just what she always hoped she would be capable of doing—spotting and naming designers at the drop of a hat.

  “How did we become friends again?”

  * * *

  Josh needed to see her. There was this nagging emotion that had been plaguing him. He’d thought it would all go back to normal after a good night’s sleep. That soon this would all be water under the bridge.

  She never texted him back. He hadn’t heard from her at all. Out of desperation, he texted Sabina, a rarity in and of itself, to check in on Micah. According to Sabina, she had slept the day away and appeared to have been crying. It was getting worse, not better. But the question was, did he step in to help, or did he give her space?

  Maybe space was needed. She needed to work through these unresolved issues with Drew and he needed to get himself under control. Space was a good thing. At least that was what he kept telling himself.

  Regardless, they needed to talk, clear the air. Then space could be possible, and at least his mind would be at ease. But as he stood at her doorstep, he realized he probably should have rehearsed what to say beforehand. He’d just have to see how it went.